Summer started with a bang this month, and I kinda hope it continues. I checked out on Monday's last day of school, happy to be done, and tinged with a bit of sadness for the unknown of the next school year.
My first day of summer is typically spent sleeping late, eating junk, and watching crap TV all day. Instead, I was up early for a job interview (!) that I attended over Zoom in the local Starbucks because it was raining. Because of where I live, my Internet comes through a dish on my roof. When it rains, the Internet stops working. It wouldn't have been so bad, but in the middle of my interview, the Starbucks playlist spit out Let It Go, and while Idina Menzel is an incredible singer, that's all anyone on the Zoom call could hear. I wasn't happy about the rest of the interview, either. I felt like I was on edge the whole time. So I got to obsess about that.
Wednesday, I was back on my road to better health. My GYN made a passing mention of a procedure back in March, and I half-heartedly agreed to it, fully intending to not do it. As it turns out, she contacted the doctor, who contacted me. Fine. I'll do it. I'll make a blog post out of it.
That's how I ended up with a colonoscopy appointment.
The prep for this started the week before the procedure. No fruits or veggies, seeds, or nuts for the whole week. I eat fruit every day and salads, seeds, and nuts several days each week. Good thing cheese and ice cream are low in fiber.
I woke up Thursday and had 2 hard-boiled eggs and coffee. That was it, my last supper (breakfast). No more solid food. My human nurse ran out and picked up Jello, bullion, broth, Sprite, and popsicles. Two Jello cups and a bowl of bullion later and I was ready to begin.
At 3 pm I took 4 Dulcolax tablets and prepared for the worst. At 3:30, the worse commenced. I had to drink 64 oz of water mixed with an 18 oz bottle of Miralax, 8 oz at a time every 20 minutes. Tasteless but tedious. At 9 pm I took 2 Gas-X pills and immediately threw up. Before this, the Miralax had started to work its magic, and at this point, I was eliminating from both ends simultaneously. The whole thing takes a lot out of a person (no pun intended). Imagine eating Taco Bell for three days and having it all leave your body at once. Luckily my feline nurse was unfazed by all and accompanied me on every trip to the bathroom. She was very helpful.
I crawled into bed at 11 hoping for a few hours of sleep before I had to get up at 4. I nodded off for 30 mins and suddenly awoke to...leakage. Before you fall asleep while doing the prep, make sure you're all done visiting the bathroom. Also, make sure your feline nurse isn't sleeping on top of you so that you don't fling her off when you jump out of bed.
Four in the morning is too early to be doing anything other than getting home from a night out with a stop at the diner. Unfortunately, those days are probably behind me and now 4 in the morning is for drinking 10 oz of magnesium citrate. Super delicious.
Everyone was right: The prep was the toughest part. They wheeled me in, gave me the IV, and rolled me on my side. The last thing I remember was looking up at the monitor and excitedly asking if I was going to be able to watch the procedure. Then they woke me up and wheeled me to Recovery. Never again. Maybe if they find a way to do this via CT scan or PET scan I'll reconsider.
That was just week one of summer. Week two was just as fun. And maddening.
During the school year, I was summoned to jury duty. There was no way I was taking time off from work to do this. Finding a sub for one day to take my class (or anyone's class) is impossible. Cecil County signs you up for a week of possible duty. Nope. I asked to change the dates of service and scheduled it for the week after school let out. I was thrilled to find out every night when I called in, that I wasn't needed. I didn't even have to go to the courthouse. Instead, I got caught up on things around the house and accomplished some baking and cooking. So much better than sitting in the basement of the courthouse with a bunch of strangers.
On Saturday I ran my first 5k in three years. I was excited and nervous. My goals were to finish and enjoy myself. I accomplished that and I am looking forward to next month's race. I just hope my nephew isn't embarrassed when I smoke him on the course. I'll let him have my beer in consolation.
On the other hand, that week was infuriating. The gun debate and Roe v. Wade debate were both ruled on at the end of the week. SCOTUS expanded gun rights and diminished abortion rights. So 6 judges are representing their base, and not the actual people of the country. They feel the unborn should be protected, but then screw you all thereafter.
A woman humiliated or devastated by rape, incest, ectopic pregnancy, or any other reason, including religious (AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS) may have no choice now other than a risky procedure, traveling to a distant state, or forced birth. This is disgusting. Many women (and yes, some men) will be seriously injured or die because of this. It will put additional strain on our healthcare and social services. The physical and mental health of the adults, the physical health of the children, the lack of foster homes and people willing to adopt (and the laws that make it illegal for some to adopt--god forbid the gayness rubs off on the child), the abusive home situations, education resources, poverty and crime resources...it's all too much.
Maybe now that gun restrictions are easing up, that will help take care of these problems.
I suppose My Body, My Choice applies only to masks and vaccines.
Finally, I wrapped up the beginning of my summer with a mammogram this morning. Why not, right? Let's get all this stuff out of the way at once. It's very classy to flop your cat-scratched boob up on a tray while simultaneously leaning in with your shoulder and bending backward and sticking your butt out to get the rest of you out of the way.
So to sum up: No polyps and no cancer, I got the job!!!!!!!, no jury duty for a while, I'm back to running races, this country is insane, and my boobs hurt.
See you next month.
