A Week of Firsts

Last week was a week of firsts for me as far as my health goes.  

On Monday I went to the dermatologist for the first time.  There were a few spots I wanted to get looked at, and since I'm approaching mid-life I wanted to add it to my list of health stuff for the year.  

I didn't know what to expect, except that I might need to get nekkid and that I had to shave.  I did the requisite shaving and steeled myself for the unknown.  

All of my areas were normal wear and tear, according to the doctor.  Actually, he said something quite hurtful.......he told me that I have Middle-Aged Skin.  What the hell, man?!  We just met!  Ugh.  He also said that he could tell I'd been naughty in the sun in my youth.  I had to agree with that one (reference the #s in my previous post).  Otherwise, I'm good to go and don't need to come back for further examination. I passed!

On Wednesday I had my first therapy appointment.  I was so nervous that I almost canceled.  I didn't know what to talk about, or what she'd want to know.  I paced for 30 minutes and logged on 15 minutes early just to make sure I was there.  I'm doing this over Zoom which is not ideal (except I don't have to wear pants).  I'm only in two places most of my time: home and work.  I was hoping to get out of those spaces and into someplace neutral for this, but it is what it is.  

My therapist is very nice and even graciously put up with my rambling.  She already gave me homework and had suggestions as to why I want to kill everyone lately.  She would like to address the issues in a short-term fashion (3-4 months) and set me loose with the tools to maintain for the long term.  

She's still in the assessing part of the sessions. I kept interrupting, I think, with my verbal diarrhea.  We discussed a host of different things.  I gave brief-ish summaries to her questions and was doing well, until any time we talked about work.  Any time that came up, I started to get teary and shut down because I didn't want to cry.  

Incredibly, with just one session, I immediately felt better.  Just that one 55 minutes had a positive impact on me, and we haven't even gotten to the heart of things.  It's almost as if Mental Health is Health.  😏

Dear Parents

Typically, when I say "Dear Parents" it's followed by some complaint in an exasperated tone. Dear Parents: Stop sending your kids to school with a fever.  Dear Parents: It is not the first day of school. Learn the car line procedures. Dear Parents: Scream 2 is not appropriate for your 1st grader.

Today, my "Dear Parents" is a question.  It's something that as a cat mom I don't comprehend.

Dear Parents: How do you watch your kids struggle with something that you can't help them with?  How do you do it?  Knowing that you've done all you can, but obstacles to helping them stand in your way, how do you let go and hope for the best? 

I have two students with several mental health needs. Because I can't get into specifics, I'll just say that there are many barriers preventing me from doing everything I can to help them.  It's so damn frustrating!  I know it's not my job to fix them, but at the same time, it's my job to fix them. 

I just want to scream and yell at these obstacles, "Do this!" and "Stop doing that!" Since I am unable to do this, I do what I can to make it better.  It's never enough.  I can't do enough to change things and make it better.  It's driving me insane.

My classroom checks off all of the "required elements" of a behavior support classroom (or any classroom, TBH).  I've done all the things teachers are told to do by those super-educators.  I have positive relationships with the kids, token economies, praise, structure, routines, and communication.  The problem is, my room has become an emotional support classroom.

I spent a few hours last night reading articles about how to successfully maintain a trauma-informed classroom.  I need to know how to help my kids heal, and manage their difficulties.  I need to step up for them.  I HIGHLY recommend taking a look at Edutopia.com under the Mental Health topic section.  The website is run by the George Lucas Educational Foundation, so it gets extra nerd points from me. 

Today I went in with a new attitude, ready to make things better.  Ready to fix things.  First up-rearrange the room and make a few new areas.  We have a new student starting on Monday, so I wanted to get all this new stuff going prior to his arrival.  I OBSESSED over this for a better part of the day.  I drove my poor para crazy because I wouldn't let it go.  She just shook her head and waited for me to come to my senses.  Like that's gonna happen. 

Desks were here...now they're here.  That table?  I don't like it where it is, but I don't know where to put it.  Robbed a desk from Peter to pay Paul.  Put things in bins, moved boxes, made new signs, and threw stuff away.  Then I paced the room because something's still not right, and I just can't put my finger on it.  It's not going to be right. 

I can't fix it.  I'm trying to fix or change the environment because I can't fix the problems.  I'm putting band-aids on stuff when surgery is needed.  There are things impacting our classroom that are out of my control, and I can't stand it.  

So it's goes back to my question: Knowing that you've done everything that can be done, but it's still not enough, how do you watch your kids struggle with something that you can't help them with?  

God bless you, parents, for your sleepless nights, grey hairs, wrinkles, tears, ulcers, mild alcoholism, and stress headaches.  To me, you are heroes.