Shanah Tovah

I sat outside on this GORGEOUS Rosh Hashana and thought about what a difference a year makes. I thought about why in this year of health, September is the most healthy I've felt in quite a while. There are a few reasons why, and they're pretty basic. They had to be basic, as I have no means or fortitude to do something extravagant.

One reason was that I made a dedication to myself. That's how this started. I decided on ME. Suck it up and move on had always been my motto. That wasn't working anymore so I had to find something better. Right around this time last year is when I found it. It was just Me, all along. That sounds so stupid and self-serving and I'm OK with that.  It's what I needed.

Prior to therapy, I could not have admitted that. I would have beaten myself up for it, called myself selfish, and generally looked poorly at myself. After therapy? Don't care! Also, as a woman of a certain age...Don't care!  It's all about me, baby. OK, that's a bit much, but you get the idea. It's the O2 mask on a crashing plane concept, except I was the plane. 

Last year I reconnected (in person, no less!) with friends I hadn't seen in a while and it was great. It really was wonderful. Of course, we've stayed in contact via social media, but seeing my high school and college friends face to face was amazing. Part of this wellness kick I've been on can be attributed to them. Actually, they were the impetus. Thank you. 

Another reason I'm feeling better is that I left teaching. That was so hard. Just an unfathomably difficult decision. My therapist is a proponent of Pro/Con lists and she helped me work through this. It was quite a lopsided list so I went for it and I don't miss the classroom at all. 

I F&*@ing LOVE my job. I don't have the Sunday Scaries anymore. I don't lose sleep over other people's kids. I'm still in education and see the students every day, which was important to me. I actually look forward to going to work every single day. I have first-grade lunch duty and they are adorable. I had one girl ask me for a piece of ketchup last week. 

An additional reason for the better health, and one I find interesting, is that now my insides are taken care of, I want my outsides to match. I want to look outwardly, like I feel inwardly.  I want to tone up, wear clothes that actually fit, improve my posture, put effort (minor effort) into my hair and makeup, clean up these scars* on my legs, and in the meantime, be happy with how I am right now. 

I've got my insides medically checked out from head to toe, it's time to work on the outside. 95% of my meetings are on Zoom and I need to step it up a bit. 

I spent today giving myself a home salon day. Not as good as Salon Salon from the pics I've seen (Hi, Sarah!). I did a manicure with new nail colors for Fall, including CHOPPING THEM ALL OFF. I love short nails with dark polish in the colder months. I realize Halloween witches are supposed to have long, pointy nails, but this witch likes them short and dark. Since it's still flip-flop weather the toenails are also freshly painted. I can't stand unpainted toes in open-toed shoes. Bleh. 

The grey is covered again. Every other month I contemplate just letting it all go grey and I can't bring myself to do it. If I knew my hair would turn out as beautiful as some of my friends' full grey I'd do it (looking at you, Sue). I like color in my own hair. I don't have a dedicated brand or color. I grab the box off the shelf according to my mood. I don't think I'll use this brand again, though. It smells like the Spic and Span we used to scrub the kitchen floor as kids. On our hands and knees. Uphill both ways. In the snow.

  

I have a friend, Denise, who writes very insightful posts every Sunday morning and I look forward to them each week. They make me think and sometimes giggle. She is always OK with how she is right now. If not, she does a great job hiding it. I had my own thought this week and it reminded me of something my friend would say. When you feel safe, you feel comfortable. You can BE comfortable. 

You may need to pop outside of your surroundings to find the safety you need to be comfortable. Maybe you need to create that space inside where you already exist. Create your own safe space. Create your own comfortable. Make sure you have somewhere that you can be YOU: A friend's house, a cafe open mike night, a secret social media account, a D&D club, a rock band, an Only Fans account. There's only one you. Make it a good one. 

Happy New Year

*I am one of those people who attracts mosquitos. I've also become allergic to them (and crabs, which sucks). I have 103 mosquito bites from my waist down and bruising due to the furious scratching of said bites. The scabs are coming off and the bruises are healing, but now there are scars. Age does weird things to a body, and I've noticed scars are taking an extremely long time to fade. Here's hoping Palmer's skin therapy oil works. Could be worse; I could have malaria.

 

April's Foray Into Health

TL;DR:  Find a different hair place, optometrists are the best, good juju is needed, teaching is hard, therapy is good.

This month I took two strides toward improving my health.  The first was a hair appointment and the second was an optometrist appointment.  Both were supposed to be a relaxing experience. The eye doctor is always a treat, the hair appointment, not so much.

I wasn't sure what I wanted as far as style or color and really just wanted her to make the decision based on her skills and knowledge. I always color my own hair but decided to let her do it. Just do whatever you think would work for me.  I want to lay back and relax.

Not to sound like a PITA, but she would not stop talking.  She talked so much that she became distracted with what she was doing, asked three different times for the color I chose, sent an email during my appointment, talked so long to the woman she took while my hair was processing that she got further distracted and my entire hair appointment took over 2.5 hours.  And the salon plays country music. 

Wah. I know I sound like a complainer but I wanted to be quietly pampered. Do I like how my hair turned out? Yes. I like the cut and color and it was nice not doing it myself. Was I as relaxed as I'd hoped? No. I guess I was looking for the spa experience but on a teacher's budget. I'll know for next time. 

Now, the eye doctor, that's a whole different story.  I absolutely LOVE going to that doctor. It is seriously the most relaxing thing in the universe outside of actual sleep. You can't even count on sleep being peaceful, but the eye doctor? Oh yeah. It's quiet, dark, you only need to answer with a number or letter...I may have even fallen asleep for a sec. Luckily I stayed awake and my eyes are healthy and the left eye has even improved some. 

The fun part is picking out the new glasses.  My current frames broke irreparably so I needed new ones. I choose red:

Speaking of decisions, I need any and all good juju you have laying around. I'm processing the upcoming school year. Like the Clash, should I stay or should I go? I know what I think, but is it the right choice?  Can I do another year like this one? Am I too old to begin anew? You'd think the panic attack at work two weeks ago and the chest pains that followed until Spring Break would be a clue. 

Honestly, I have applied to a few jobs outside of my current one. I'm not looking to leave my school necessarily, so if I don't get something else, I'm sure I'll be fine staying where I am. The group of educators I work with is fierce. 

There is one position, in particular, I am quite interested in getting. It would allow me to stay in education, coach current teachers, work at the university level, and pay for future degrees. It would allow me to become that liaison between current educators and policymakers.  That is a dream job, for me. Education policy is what I've become very interested in, lately. I can't passively sit aside anymore and continue to let things happen to us. There are changes to be made, and making them from inside the classroom is not possible.  

Anywho...let me just push that soapbox back under the couch. 

Being on Spring Break this week has been great.  I could easily slide into retirement. I even took a week off from my therapist. Funny that I didn't need to see her when I'm not at work. Have you found a counselor yet? I highly suggest it. Even if it's for a short time. You may think it to be nonsense and balderdash, but it's good for you. 

See you next month for another riveting account of my life. 

The Nether Yay-ya and a Possible Change

Welcome back to "Things I didn't really want to know about this girl."  This month's health update is brought to you by the letters G Y N. 

It's been so long since I've been to that doctor that the first thing she said upon walking into the room was, "So why haven't you been to the doctor in 20 years?"  Um.  'Cause I don't use it often and I've never rented the womb out to anyone?  'Cause I'm very very lucky to be so healthy?  'Cause I just kept putting it off?  All unacceptable answers. 

It wasn't as bad as I anticipated, of course.  She's a lovely woman and a former middle school teacher.  Although, she did tell me to get a colonoscopy due to my advanced years.  And not the talking box on television, but a real colonoscopy.  Everything looked good and she thanked me for staying in the profession.  That made me feel nice.  Like I was appreciated.  

Yeah.  About that. 

This is my classroom by the numbers:

9 students, 3 grade levels, 7 push-in rooms, 2 languages, 4 disability classifications, 6 curriculums, 5 behavior charts, 28 IEP goals.  (Edited to add: 11 students, 33 IEP goals)

This isn't to brag or toot any horns.  This is to show you what goes on in classrooms across the country.  This is only part of the reason why teachers are burnt out and leaving.  Throw in challenging behaviors, minimal support from home, district admin/DOE not having an idea what actually goes on in classrooms...I could go on.  It's a recipe for therapy.  

I have much to think about.  Do I want to keep doing this to myself?  Do I want to put up with all the negative for very little positive?  I thought I was doing this for the rest of my working days.  Now I'm not sure.  The catalyst for this change of heart, the straw that broke this camel's back, was a meeting on Friday that I still can't let go of.  I'm still irritated.  I still get upset when I think about it or talk about it. 

That Student, for those who follow along on the Facebook, is quite a struggling learner.  I am supplementing his fourth-grade math with 1st-grade math. He is unable to do this work independently. I asked him last week to solve 0-0.  He told me it's 5.  In an effort to make his life easier, I requested we apply for modified curriculum and alternative assessments during this year's IEP meeting.

In order for this to happen, you have to meet certain criteria.  He meets the criteria of a cognitive struggle, but because he's socially competent and can take care of his basic needs, he does not qualify. 

The child who asked me if we were playing bingo, WHILE WE WERE PLAYING BINGO, the child who asked how to hold up 14 fingers, the child who can not solve 1st grade math problems as a 4th grader, does not qualify for modified curriculum, because a piece of paper said so.  A checklist, a piece of paper, knows more about what my kid needs than I do. Some random person, who probably hasn't been in the classroom in years (if ever) created a checklist that knows more about my kid than I do.  

To add insult to injury, That Student's mom, who was at home Zooming in to this meeting, was watching TV throughout the meeting.  We were discussing the possibility of her child not pursuing the diploma track and she was watching TV.  

Why am I even here?  Why am I even doing this?  Clearly they should be paying the checklist my salary, and if I have no concern/interest from the parent, what's the point...............I want to scream.

I'm tired. I don't want to struggle for other people's kids anymore.  I'm tired of doing all the work.  I'm tired of the parent apathy.  I'm sick of the higher-ups being more concerned about math posters and pacing than the well-being of the students. I'm tired of being selfless and "doing it for the kids."  I'm tired of advocating for my kids and getting no results.  I'm sick to death of challenging behaviors occurring daily and no real consequences being leveled.  We are setting some of these kids up for failure and nobody seems to see it.  

I did some exploring on Indeed last night and there are several options in the areas I'm interested.  Of course I need to finish out the school year so that gives me time to weigh things out and decide what I truly want to do.  I did briefly consider Starbucks barista and Wawa employee, but I'd eventually weigh 400 lbs. and spend my salary on product.

So much to think about. Any and all opinions are welcome. This is not a decision I will take lightly.

Anyway...my gynecological tests came back negative for all things icky. Shout out to my parents for giving me such healthy DNA.  

A Week of Firsts

Last week was a week of firsts for me as far as my health goes.  

On Monday I went to the dermatologist for the first time.  There were a few spots I wanted to get looked at, and since I'm approaching mid-life I wanted to add it to my list of health stuff for the year.  

I didn't know what to expect, except that I might need to get nekkid and that I had to shave.  I did the requisite shaving and steeled myself for the unknown.  

All of my areas were normal wear and tear, according to the doctor.  Actually, he said something quite hurtful.......he told me that I have Middle-Aged Skin.  What the hell, man?!  We just met!  Ugh.  He also said that he could tell I'd been naughty in the sun in my youth.  I had to agree with that one (reference the #s in my previous post).  Otherwise, I'm good to go and don't need to come back for further examination. I passed!

On Wednesday I had my first therapy appointment.  I was so nervous that I almost canceled.  I didn't know what to talk about, or what she'd want to know.  I paced for 30 minutes and logged on 15 minutes early just to make sure I was there.  I'm doing this over Zoom which is not ideal (except I don't have to wear pants).  I'm only in two places most of my time: home and work.  I was hoping to get out of those spaces and into someplace neutral for this, but it is what it is.  

My therapist is very nice and even graciously put up with my rambling.  She already gave me homework and had suggestions as to why I want to kill everyone lately.  She would like to address the issues in a short-term fashion (3-4 months) and set me loose with the tools to maintain for the long term.  

She's still in the assessing part of the sessions. I kept interrupting, I think, with my verbal diarrhea.  We discussed a host of different things.  I gave brief-ish summaries to her questions and was doing well, until any time we talked about work.  Any time that came up, I started to get teary and shut down because I didn't want to cry.  

Incredibly, with just one session, I immediately felt better.  Just that one 55 minutes had a positive impact on me, and we haven't even gotten to the heart of things.  It's almost as if Mental Health is Health.  😏

Dear Parents

Typically, when I say "Dear Parents" it's followed by some complaint in an exasperated tone. Dear Parents: Stop sending your kids to school with a fever.  Dear Parents: It is not the first day of school. Learn the car line procedures. Dear Parents: Scream 2 is not appropriate for your 1st grader.

Today, my "Dear Parents" is a question.  It's something that as a cat mom I don't comprehend.

Dear Parents: How do you watch your kids struggle with something that you can't help them with?  How do you do it?  Knowing that you've done all you can, but obstacles to helping them stand in your way, how do you let go and hope for the best? 

I have two students with several mental health needs. Because I can't get into specifics, I'll just say that there are many barriers preventing me from doing everything I can to help them.  It's so damn frustrating!  I know it's not my job to fix them, but at the same time, it's my job to fix them. 

I just want to scream and yell at these obstacles, "Do this!" and "Stop doing that!" Since I am unable to do this, I do what I can to make it better.  It's never enough.  I can't do enough to change things and make it better.  It's driving me insane.

My classroom checks off all of the "required elements" of a behavior support classroom (or any classroom, TBH).  I've done all the things teachers are told to do by those super-educators.  I have positive relationships with the kids, token economies, praise, structure, routines, and communication.  The problem is, my room has become an emotional support classroom.

I spent a few hours last night reading articles about how to successfully maintain a trauma-informed classroom.  I need to know how to help my kids heal, and manage their difficulties.  I need to step up for them.  I HIGHLY recommend taking a look at Edutopia.com under the Mental Health topic section.  The website is run by the George Lucas Educational Foundation, so it gets extra nerd points from me. 

Today I went in with a new attitude, ready to make things better.  Ready to fix things.  First up-rearrange the room and make a few new areas.  We have a new student starting on Monday, so I wanted to get all this new stuff going prior to his arrival.  I OBSESSED over this for a better part of the day.  I drove my poor para crazy because I wouldn't let it go.  She just shook her head and waited for me to come to my senses.  Like that's gonna happen. 

Desks were here...now they're here.  That table?  I don't like it where it is, but I don't know where to put it.  Robbed a desk from Peter to pay Paul.  Put things in bins, moved boxes, made new signs, and threw stuff away.  Then I paced the room because something's still not right, and I just can't put my finger on it.  It's not going to be right. 

I can't fix it.  I'm trying to fix or change the environment because I can't fix the problems.  I'm putting band-aids on stuff when surgery is needed.  There are things impacting our classroom that are out of my control, and I can't stand it.  

So it's goes back to my question: Knowing that you've done everything that can be done, but it's still not enough, how do you watch your kids struggle with something that you can't help them with?  

God bless you, parents, for your sleepless nights, grey hairs, wrinkles, tears, ulcers, mild alcoholism, and stress headaches.  To me, you are heroes.  

That Kid

Quickie blog post for now.  That Kid...his mom requested a conference for this morning @9.  She requested this yesterday, Sunday, at 8:30 in the morning.  The ONLY parent to request a conference.  I've called in backup.  Keep you posted.  

They do exist!

I can't believe it.  We're a little over a month into the year.  I'd convinced myself this would never happen.  They all told me it would never happen.  Couldn't possibly happen without an act of God.  That kid..you know him...all teachers have had him (or her) a few times...that kid----------was absent.
*cue angelic hosts singing Hallelujah

We had the best day of this year so far.  My other student with behavior issues had a near-perfect day.  Kid 1 wasn't there for him to be a distraction and partner in crime.  We had a calm, quiet, fun day.  I felt like a real teacher today, actually getting students caught up on curriculum and taking some grades as well.  I was a teacher, not a babysitter.

It's amazing how one student can cause so much disruption.  One student's words, sounds, actions, attitude, effort, noise can cause such upheaval.  I'm either trying to deal with him and his behaviors and ignoring the rest of the class, or I'm giving him work to do on his own-basically teaching himself-and trying to teach the others.

Academically, he's fine.  He's on grade-level and may even be slightly above in some areas.  It's only his behavior that keeps him in my classroom.  Any time he's in trouble, it's always the adult's fault.  We're racists and liars.  We're trying to get him into trouble.  We call him names.  We talk about him.  I know we can't say this to the parents, but if this kid was even just slightly medicated he'd be able to be successful in the regular ed setting.

The Powers That Be tell me I'm doing a great job with this class.  I feel I'm only doing an OK job.  I still feel like a fish out of water.  Interims are coming up and I know I don't have everything I need. On a good note, I don't need to do IEP interim reports.  First time in 5 or 6 years!  Woo hoo!

Is it wrong to hope that he's out again tomorrow?

Bad Moon Rising

I see the bad moon arising / I see trouble on the way / I see earthquakes and lightnin’ / I see bad times today.  ~John Fogerty

Holy shit, if this doesn't describe my classroom today.  Maybe, also, dumpster fire.  That may work as well.  I follow Fixing Education (@WhyTeaching) on Twitter and this Tweet today nailed it: "One of my biggest struggles is having to keep from screaming profanities at my students."  When I stumbled into the lunch room at 12:30 after being called a bitch in Spanish (like I don't know what 'puta' means), I googled the moon phases.  Oh yeah, there it is, full moon. 

Why?!  Why does that have impact on people?  It's not just teachers.  Ask any nurse in any hospital and they'll tell you the same thing.  I understand the whole moon phase/tides thing, but for the love of God, could we manage to not let it control us as well?  Oy!

I'm not proud of the way I acted today, specifically this morning.  I owe a kid an apology.  No matter what he did, it's no excuse for the way I acted.  I could have let him know in a different way how his actions were effecting me and the class.  You know what?  I don't feel like apologizing.  I really don't think he deserves it.   I'll still do it because it's the adult thing to do, but I'll hate every second of it.  

I have a meeting tomorrow with the parent of the most troublesome kid in my room.  I have a list of things to talk about.  He's nervous because he doesn't want his mother to know these things, yet he continues to do them.  One minute he's all talk and bravado, the next he's begging me not to talk to her.  He's trying so hard to be the cool kid, the one who doesn't care about anyone or anything.  I still don't know which way to go with him.  I believe in natural consequences, but his actions are impacting others in the room. 

I keep reminding myself that we're only a month into the year, but at the same time we're already a month into the year.  Does that make sense?  When is this going to gel?  When will all the kinks be worked out?  Gah!  

Hubby asked me this weekend if I'm overwhelmed...If I have too much to do for this job...If I've bitten off more than I can chew.  Oh yeah, absolutely.  But I'm really enjoying it.  Last year was an extremely stressful, overwhelming year.  Probably the worst in 20 years, and I hated that job by the end.  What's the difference?  Administration.  Plain and simple.  Teachers don't quit schools.  They quit principals and admin.  Aside from being a puta (honestly, the kid's not wrong) I really love this job.  

See you next week.  

Fixer Upper

There was a discussion recently on Twitter about Pinterest classrooms, also known as TPT (teacherspayteachers) classrooms.  Pinterest and TPT classrooms are those that are decorated to the nth degree.  They have every inch of the room covered, it's all themed and matching, it looks like a page out of a Pottery Barn catalogue.  That is not my classroom.  I have neither the time, nor the money (and really no patience). 

Below you will see various pix of my room.  It's a very old school in a lower income community.  I'm lucky I have storage, never mind none of it matches. The only thing I've tried to do in addition to the obligatory teacher charts (100 chart, alphabet, etc.) is tried to make a it bit warmer and a bit homier.  Many of my students come from not-so-great situations, and I swear one is raising himself.  

He's the one that got me thinking about the feel of the room.  I wondered out loud to my assistant, "What must go on in that house?"  That really hit me on the way home that day.  What does go on there?  What must it look like?  Single mom; never home; older brother not a good influence; always on YouTube; never learned appropriate vs. inappropriate, or chooses to ignore what he's learned.

I'll be completely honest--he's not a favorite of mine.  If he moved to a new school today, I'd be totally OK with that. However, he's the kid I need to focus on, simply because of that fact. 

As you can see, we have a coffee shop theme going on.  That's solely because I love coffee, as do most teachers.  The door decor was my idea; however, the sayings on the door were a democratic effort with everyone giving suggestions and voting on the favorite.  Both of the phrases tied, so we added both.  Of course, you can't have coffee without donuts.  Our related services schedule is set up like a coffee shop menu. There are also donuts lining the top of the SmartBoard.  Maybe one day I'll bring in Munchkins for the class.  Maybe. 

The work baskets are also coffee related as I got colors in no cream, some cream, and mostly cream.  I'll hang a sign that says something about light, medium, and dark roast.  Additionally, there are two rag rugs on the floor, and I'm attempting to subtly infuse orange essential oil into the air.  I really hope this meager attempt helps the kids to feel like this is a place they can enjoy, as well as complain about the amount of work I make them do.  

So, not really a Pinterest room, but not stark either.  I just hope the kids are comfortable with their home away from home. 

 

Frolic in the Autumn Mist

Nothing makes me happier than Autumn.  After the hot, humid weather that almost defies any form of air conditioning, it's so nice to bundle under blankets while finally sleeping with the windows open. Let's face it-when you're hot, there's only so many articles of clothing you can remove and still go out in public.  Chilly?  No problem.  Keep wrapping those scarves around until you can't move. 

Occasionally I am asked to share ideas from Education.com and I am more than happy to do so.  With my new position, I'm going to be visiting this incredible site often.  I've never failed to find what I need, whether it be full lesson plans, or a worksheet I can use for a formative assessment.  

With Autumn quickly approaching, I suggest you check out their site for all things fall-related.  Here is an autumn maze worksheet for our youngest learners.  Autumn Fun

Find your way through the falling leaves in this maze from Education.com! Find more fun learning games here.

Here are some worksheet types to choose from:

• Maze
• Matching list of words with images
• Word search
• Crossword puzzle
• Word scramble
• Subtraction
• Division
• Multiplication

And we have a variety of themes to choose from, including crawlies, a school themed template and seasonal themes. You can see an example below.

Seriously, if you haven't done so, go to their site.  You can browse this activity and all the Autumn themed fun while wearing your hoodie, drinking hot chocolate, planning the hayride, and watching football (Go Eagles!)  Have a great week!

Ich werde überleben

Anyone who is learning a language on DuoLingo knows this feeling.  We are stalked by this Linguistic Strigiformes daily.  This is often accompanied by the message, "These reminders don't seam to be working. We'll stop sending them for now."  Know how long that is?  Like a day and a half.  

I'm learning German for the hell of it.  It's a part of my ancestry and I'm a nerd who likes to learn new things.  While I was out of work, I had more time to devote to this endeavor.  Now that I'm trying to rebuild this classroom I inherited, I haven't been as faithful to the owl.  I had a serious streak going for a while, but lost it.  And the bird is relentless about it.  Had I known I was going to be teaching in a school with such a large Hispanic population, I may have considered learning Spanish.  Maybe that will be the next language.  For now, I'm enjoying German quite a bit.  

Today in math when I asked my struggling third grade learners (two of which are ELL) how many toes they have, I was met with a series of incorrect answers.  When I asked how many foot fingers they have, they all knew there are 10.  You may use the terminology, foot fingers, if you wish.  I haven't patented that yet. 

Toes aside, we actually had a successful math rotation today.  I was quite proud of my para and myself.  For just meeting two weeks ago, we really gel as a team.  Her knowledge of the classroom and students from last year is a huge plus.

I had to have a hallway conversation with our newest student today. Any teacher will tell you, hallway talks are never good.  He is a Caucasian child in a classroom with 3 African-American students, and he harbors some ill will about their race.  Comments such as, "I hate Martin Luther King. I don't like African-Americans," are made on the daily.  I let him know that he doesn't have to like the people in his class, but I will not tolerate this sort of thing in my room.  That was met with, "Well you're not doing your job. They think they're better than me and you're not taking my side."  Sigh.  

Note, this child is on the autism spectrum so things need to be explained in a concrete way.  I told him, "If you keep saying these things and making them mad, they're going to beat the crap out of you. Is that what you're looking for?"  That seemed to get through. We're now working on how to ignore things we don't like.  It's a work in progress.

I really like this job. Seriously. 

And now for the rest of the story

Wow. What a week.  I'm so behind that I even missed my weekly post.  The one thing I swore I wasn't going to do.  I should know better.  

I has been crazy busy with the new job and I am so so so tired.  I tried to use an old login that I haven't used in 4 years to access my online bank this morning.  Gonna be a long day.  OK...where was I...

Monday morning I walking into my new school (after standing outside of it for 5-6 minutes because I didn't have a badge to let myself in and no one was in the office yet) and headed to the cafeteria.  The first person I met was the woman who had this job before me. Excellent, I could gain valuable information.  Not so much. 😑

All I heard were the negatives.  The bad news.  The awful stories.  Awesome.  As a teacher new to the county, state, school, classroom, it's always good to be encouraged like this on your first day.  Good Lord.

Turns out, the reason last year was so horrible was not only due to the students.  This teacher was also a great contributor to the chaos.  I believe the term used was "hot mess."

I missed the new teacher training as I was hired after the fact.  Speaking of that, the principal announced on the very first day (to the entire staff) that after he interviewed me, he cancelled all his other interviews for this position.  No pressure.   

I never signed papers or became official until the second day.  Even that was iffy as they didn't like my certification from MD.  I'm now on an emergency cert.  Because after 20 years, I need to prove I'm a teacher.  Speaking of that, I need to PROVE that I've taught elsewhere. 

HR is starting my salary on Step 1 of the pay scale.  That's HALF of what I would have been making had I stayed where I was.  I need to provide documentation from MA and MD that I actually taught there. THEN, I need to provide transcripts from all colleges I attended so that I can get my +15 or +30 (I don't remember how many now.).  After they get all that, then they will bump up my salary.  That's insane.  When I started at my last district, they asked how long I'd taught and started me on the scale accordingly.  

I also needed at TB test and a background check/fingerprinting.  Both cost money.  And time.  I had to drive over an hour one way after work one evening to get the background check done.  I passed.  It's good to know people. ;) 

I'm learning everything as I go.  It's like I woke up in another country with no prior knowledge.  I really have to say, the people I work with are wonderful.  They have been so helpful and kind and accommodating.  Anything I need, someone will attempt to get it for me.  I still don't have everything I need.  I don't get planning or lunch (yet).  I still don't know everything I need to know to be successful with these kids. I'm missing curriculum. I have to give some kind of testing to kids that don't want to learn.

The kids. I have 9 students.  Three are ELL; three have BIPs; one is on the spectrum; one is truant (missed 2 of three days so far), and one is here for reasons I can't figure out.  I like most of them. Two are going to be the death of me. 

Let's Twist This

🍍 So, funny story.  As you've read, all summer I searched for jobs.  I believe I sent out 25 applications and had 11 interviews. It was down to the wire and I thought my chances of ever getting a teaching job for this year were gone. Schools were starting with new teacher meetings and professional developments.  I thought for sure I'd be back in the real, non-teaching world.  As a last ditch effort, I applied for 5 jobs on Sunday the 12th.  Let me tell you about one of them.

I had seen a posting for this job for weeks, maybe all summer.  I kept avoiding it because I didn't know the area, or anything about that school district.  I wasn't thrilled with what the school looked like from its pictures.  It was further away than I wanted to drive.  I just wasn't feeling it, you know?  I kept clicking past this job. 

To be fair, I consistently clicked past others, as well.  Particularly, any job that said I'd be working with kids that had behavior issues.  That was a no.  I'd done that before and had no interest in going back. 

Even on that Sunday, I reluctantly applied for that one position I'd so easy passed over.  In fact, it was the very last one I sent in.  Application #25.  

At 9:00 on Tuesday morning the 14th, I got a call for an interview.  Yay!   Maybe all hope wasn't lost!  Guys...it was THAT SCHOOL.  The principal was very interested in my resume.  Could I come in the next day, the 15th?  Since no one else had been calling in the last two weeks, why the hell not.

And then I remembered my shaved, purple, NTW hair.  And my yellow fingernail polish.  Crap.

While waiting my turn that Wednesday afternoon, a gentleman was escorted out after his interview.  I heard the principal tell this man that he had one more interview that day (me), and a few more on Friday.  Applicants would know by Friday afternoon; teachers start Monday the 20th.  They were cutting it close.  

I went in and had what I thought was a really good interview with the principal, AP, and ED.  It was more like a conversation, actually.  Very relaxed.  We joked.  No one mentioned the hair.  He told me he'd call me (don't they always).  I sent the obligatory thank you email that evening and prepared to spend the rest of my summer hunting for a job outside of teaching.  BTW, It would be in a self-contained classroom (yay!!!!) with behavior kids......sigh. 

Thursday the 16th at 3:00 I got a phone call from the district offering me the job.  WHAAAAAT?!  It was emphasized that they really wanted me to accept.  According to the HR rep, they were quite taken with me. Huh. I thought they had more interviews on Friday.  Today's Thursday.  Wait-the guy before me was probably interviewing for a GenEd position.  I was a bit confused, but more excited that finally somebody wanted me.

So the job I'd avoided like the plague, working with kids I didn't want to work with, in an area I know nothing about, in an old, seriously needs to be modernized school ended up being the job I was offered.  And the job I accepted.  God is good.  

There's so much more to this story, but I'm beyond tired and have a shitload of stuff to process.  See you next week. 
  

Alpha Mike Foxtrot...

...is what I wanted to say to my former employer, but did not.  I've burned bridges in the past-usually while I was standing on them.  At the board meeting last night, my resignation was accepted.  It's finally official, and with the lack of any job offers, I feel like an integral part of my life is over.  I'm not a teacher any more. 

Back-to-school ads are depressing in a whole new way.  I'm so tempted to get rid of my professional/teacher Twitter page, unfollow teacher sites on Facebook, and delete my Pinterest boards that deal with teaching.  It's too depressing to have them and I feel like a fraud. 

My mother says I should take this time and write a book. That's what people do when they leave jobs, right?  I'm no Omarosa (nor would I want to be), but I could pull it off.  You know, if I had a ghost writer and wanted some drivel turned out in a few weeks. 

I did have a good time with family last week.  Of course, a bad day down the shore is still a good day.  My nephew is awesome and is at that age where I can act like an idiot with him and he's still good with it.  It gave me a chance to relax and decide to quit self-sabotaging.  I came back with a renewed outlook and decided to suck it up and move on.  

My mother won at the AC casinos recently and shared some of her winnings with me and my sister.  Did I put that money away for a rainy day?  Hell, no.  On Monday I got a mani/pedi in OPI's Meet A Boy, Cute As Can Be and a haircut.  I love my nails.  

My hair now looks like Negasonic Teenage Warhead's in Deadpool 2.  Don't get me wrong, I love her hair, and think Brianna Hildebrand is beautiful.  But she's 21, and I'm so not 21.   It's not at all what I went to the hairdresser for; not even close. 

At first I was like "GAH!!!!"  Then I was like "Huh."  I have no teaching interviews in the foreseeable future.  I don't really need to look teacher-professional.  I could rock this look if I wanted. BTW, it's a known fact in the teaching world that things like jeans, faux-hawks, purple hair, sneakers, or reindeer pajama bottoms on the last day before Christmas break get in the way of how well a teacher teaches.  😯

My husband was like, "I love you and all, but don't ever get your hair cut like that again."  Me looking like a boy kinda weirds him out. He's quite the conservative Republican.  Don't know how we get along.  

And so, with renewed confidence I woke up with my NTW hair this morning to a phone call from a principal wanting to interview me.  Then later on today I received an email from another principal wanting an interview.  Yay that I'm still wanted!!!!   Yikes about my hair.  Yes, I know schools are down to the wire and I might be a last resort.  I get that.  Move on.

See you next week.