Here we are again, Lord

Today was the first day for students at my school. It was crazy, hectic, busy, and fun. I saw a few of my kids from last year, which was nice. I didn't see TS. 😢😢 He's in another school district so I can't even spy on him. I'll miss our conversations. 

This behind-the-scenes-of-teaching job I now have is a different sort of pressure than teaching, itself. Not worse, just different. It's a lot of problem-solving which I enjoy. That's the nerd in me who solves Sudoku puzzles, plays word games, and enjoys the analytic side of math. I also like the backstage, behind the curtain stuff. I'm always checking out IMDB. I want to know how the show happens; what makes it run. I saw Phantom of the Opera twice so that the second time I could watch things formulate around the theater. This position is perfect for all of this. Trying to fit the pieces into their respective holes while putting out fires. 

Funny story: On my first day here at Park in 2018, I had a nosebleed in our back-to-school faculty meeting. Stress? Allergies? Who knows. Last week during the first back-to-school faculty meeting with a new position...nosebleed.  

It's uncomfortable being in a new place or situation. You need to find your way around and make sure you're not Godzilla destroying things in the effort. I told my friend that I felt like I was flying a plane with no lessons-just flipping switches and hoping not to crash. That's really how we get through life, isn't it? 

The most uncomfortable thing about the first day last week? My bra. Honestly. I picked and pulled at that thing all day! I went shopping for new ones and have a suggestion for retailers: Display these items by size and not by manufacturer. That way, I don't have to pick through the band-aid and string sizes to find the battle armor I need. 

My health thing for this month was a facial. It was incredibly relaxing. She asked if I was having any problems I wanted to work on. I told her, "Gravity" so she did a hydrating session. I could have stayed there all day. The little shoulder massage and the hot towel on my face was perfect. 

Dramatic reenactment: 

Remember, health doesn't need to be about doctors, pharmaceuticals, therapists, or tests. It can be indulging in something that is just for you. 

Oh! Speaking of that, my therapist and I decided that I do not need to see each other weekly and we're doing every other week. Either I'm feeling better or I've got her fooled. 

This weekend is the unofficial end of the summer. According to Walmart, that started weeks ago. Halloween, pumpkin spiced toothpaste, and fall clothing is everywhere. It's my favorite season. Summer is great for recouping some energy, but Autumn is envigorating. I know some people complain that other people push this season too early. However, after the last few years we've endured together, the world is a hot mess and we should celebrate whatever, whenever.  I'm making Irish Soda Bread this week, simply because I want to. Slainte! 

July: In Pictures

Health isn't always about doctors. 

  

TMI (You Were Warned)

Summer started with a bang this month, and I kinda hope it continues.  I checked out on Monday's last day of school, happy to be done, and tinged with a bit of sadness for the unknown of the next school year. 

My first day of summer is typically spent sleeping late, eating junk, and watching crap TV all day.  Instead, I was up early for a job interview (!) that I attended over Zoom in the local Starbucks because it was raining. Because of where I live, my Internet comes through a dish on my roof. When it rains, the Internet stops working. It wouldn't have been so bad, but in the middle of my interview, the Starbucks playlist spit out Let It Go, and while Idina Menzel is an incredible singer, that's all anyone on the Zoom call could hear. I wasn't happy about the rest of the interview, either. I felt like I was on edge the whole time. So I got to obsess about that. 

Wednesday, I was back on my road to better health.  My GYN made a passing mention of a procedure back in March, and I half-heartedly agreed to it, fully intending to not do it.  As it turns out, she contacted the doctor, who contacted me. Fine. I'll do it. I'll make a blog post out of it.  

That's how I ended up with a colonoscopy appointment. 

The prep for this started the week before the procedure. No fruits or veggies, seeds, or nuts for the whole week. I eat fruit every day and salads, seeds, and nuts several days each week. Good thing cheese and ice cream are low in fiber. 

I woke up Thursday and had 2 hard-boiled eggs and coffee. That was it, my last supper (breakfast). No more solid food. My human nurse ran out and picked up Jello, bullion, broth, Sprite, and popsicles. Two Jello cups and a bowl of bullion later and I was ready to begin.  

At 3 pm I took 4 Dulcolax tablets and prepared for the worst. At 3:30, the worse commenced. I had to drink 64 oz of water mixed with an 18 oz bottle of Miralax, 8 oz at a time every 20 minutes.  Tasteless but tedious. At 9 pm I took 2 Gas-X pills and immediately threw up. Before this, the Miralax had started to work its magic, and at this point, I was eliminating from both ends simultaneously. The whole thing takes a lot out of a person (no pun intended).  Imagine eating Taco Bell for three days and having it all leave your body at once. Luckily my feline nurse was unfazed by all and accompanied me on every trip to the bathroom. She was very helpful. 

I crawled into bed at 11 hoping for a few hours of sleep before I had to get up at 4. I nodded off for 30 mins and suddenly awoke to...leakage. Before you fall asleep while doing the prep, make sure you're all done visiting the bathroom.  Also, make sure your feline nurse isn't sleeping on top of you so that you don't fling her off when you jump out of bed.

Four in the morning is too early to be doing anything other than getting home from a night out with a stop at the diner.  Unfortunately, those days are probably behind me and now 4 in the morning is for drinking 10 oz of magnesium citrate. Super delicious. 

Everyone was right: The prep was the toughest part. They wheeled me in, gave me the IV, and rolled me on my side. The last thing I remember was looking up at the monitor and excitedly asking if I was going to be able to watch the procedure. Then they woke me up and wheeled me to Recovery. Never again. Maybe if they find a way to do this via CT scan or PET scan I'll reconsider. 

That was just week one of summer. Week two was just as fun. And maddening. 

During the school year, I was summoned to jury duty. There was no way I was taking time off from work to do this. Finding a sub for one day to take my class (or anyone's class) is impossible. Cecil County signs you up for a week of possible duty. Nope. I asked to change the dates of service and scheduled it for the week after school let out. I was thrilled to find out every night when I called in, that I wasn't needed. I didn't even have to go to the courthouse. Instead, I got caught up on things around the house and accomplished some baking and cooking. So much better than sitting in the basement of the courthouse with a bunch of strangers. 

On Saturday I ran my first 5k in three years. I was excited and nervous. My goals were to finish and enjoy myself. I accomplished that and I am looking forward to next month's race. I just hope my nephew isn't embarrassed when I smoke him on the course. I'll let him have my beer in consolation.

On the other hand, that week was infuriating. The gun debate and Roe v. Wade debate were both ruled on at the end of the week. SCOTUS expanded gun rights and diminished abortion rights. So 6 judges are representing their base, and not the actual people of the country. They feel the unborn should be protected, but then screw you all thereafter.

A woman humiliated or devastated by rape, incest, ectopic pregnancy, or any other reason, including religious (AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS) may have no choice now other than a risky procedure, traveling to a distant state, or forced birth. This is disgusting. Many women (and yes, some men) will be seriously injured or die because of this. It will put additional strain on our healthcare and social services. The physical and mental health of the adults, the physical health of the children, the lack of foster homes and people willing to adopt (and the laws that make it illegal for some to adopt--god forbid the gayness rubs off on the child), the abusive home situations, education resources, poverty and crime resources...it's all too much. 

Maybe now that gun restrictions are easing up, that will help take care of these problems. 

I suppose My Body, My Choice applies only to masks and vaccines. 

Finally, I wrapped up the beginning of my summer with a mammogram this morning. Why not, right? Let's get all this stuff out of the way at once. It's very classy to flop your cat-scratched boob up on a tray while simultaneously leaning in with your shoulder and bending backward and sticking your butt out to get the rest of you out of the way. 

So to sum up: No polyps and no cancer, I got the job!!!!!!!, no jury duty for a while, I'm back to running races, this country is insane, and my boobs hurt. 

See you next month.

(M)ay is For...

(M)ental Health: May is Mental Health Awareness Month. I hope you are willing and able to check in with the people you love and please check in with yourself.  There's no shame in it.  On average, 1 in 5 people experience mental health issues. It may be temporary. It may be long-term. It may be nothing. Wouldn't it be nice to know? End the stigma.

(M)ani-pedi: This is the first month this year that I haven't had a doctor appointment. Instead I chose to treat myself to a trip to the salon. La Cure in North East, MD is my favorite. I've never had a bad experience there, and this was no exception. Spa music, muted tones on the walls, bubbling water, and that chair. It's the whole reason I go. Sure, the self-care behind it is a plus, and my feet no longer look like I've been walking barefoot my entire life....but that massage chair.  It hits all the right spots. I end up with bruises on my back but it hurts so good.

(M)ask: In addition to my mani-pedi, I also tried a mask.  I don't do needles well so in place of collagen shots I thought I'd try this.  My inaugural attempt was a mess, but this one worked out well.  Believe it or not, masks do work. My face feels better and looks a bit lifted for a few days. It's also a great excuse to lay in bed and read for 20 mins.  Can't do dishes-I've got a mask.  Can't flip the laundry-I've got a mask. Want me to commit a crime? Sure thing-I've got a mask. 

(M)indfulness: My therapist and I have been talking about mindfulness and how to incorporate it into my day. I've been working on it at school when things seem to be coming apart. By the end of the week, Mindfulness turns into Apathy and I give up trying to reign in the crazy. However, the other day brought some success.  I was in a hurry to get errands done and hopped into the car to check the next thing off my list. Generally I turn the car on, turn the radio on, click the seatbelt and peal out of the parking lot. When I left Kohls the other day, something caused me to stop and look. 

A man parked in front of me got out of his car and removed his newborn son from the back seat. He was so new and very tiny curled up on Dad's chest. Next Dad opened the hatch to get something out.  I waited and was going to offer help if he needed another hand.  He then walked around to the passenger side and helped Mom up out of the car.  Clearly this baby was brand new because Mom was walking like it still hurt to move.  

This awesome husband/father/KING did everything he could to make life easier for Mom. He was so gentle and loving and I sat there in the moment and enjoyed this. That's being mindful. Tap the brakes, and take in the scene. 

(M)om: Moms will never stop momming. At least mine won't. I spent the weekend downashore (#IYKYK) and hung out with my parents. I offered to treat them to lunch, dinner, a ballgame, and she wouldn't allow any of it. She also cooked a delish pork dinner and has a picture of my artwork hanging on the fridge. I hope you all have a mom like this. 

(M)iddle Ages: While 1644 is not technically the Middle Ages (it's the Renaissance), this is where Justice Alito would have us return to keep his faith and conscience in tact. Let's go back 378 years to address a modern-day subject. Know what else they were doing in the 1600's? Treatments of illnesses with lead and mercury, and witch hunts. LITERAL witch hunts. Complete with burning stakes. Sure, let's go back there. 

(M)onkeypox: SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WTH?! 

Next month it's back to the doctor appointments with two very special trips (insert sarcasm font here). Can't wait to tell you about them. TW: There will be TMI.  Oh! And jury duty. Awesome. 

April's Foray Into Health

TL;DR:  Find a different hair place, optometrists are the best, good juju is needed, teaching is hard, therapy is good.

This month I took two strides toward improving my health.  The first was a hair appointment and the second was an optometrist appointment.  Both were supposed to be a relaxing experience. The eye doctor is always a treat, the hair appointment, not so much.

I wasn't sure what I wanted as far as style or color and really just wanted her to make the decision based on her skills and knowledge. I always color my own hair but decided to let her do it. Just do whatever you think would work for me.  I want to lay back and relax.

Not to sound like a PITA, but she would not stop talking.  She talked so much that she became distracted with what she was doing, asked three different times for the color I chose, sent an email during my appointment, talked so long to the woman she took while my hair was processing that she got further distracted and my entire hair appointment took over 2.5 hours.  And the salon plays country music. 

Wah. I know I sound like a complainer but I wanted to be quietly pampered. Do I like how my hair turned out? Yes. I like the cut and color and it was nice not doing it myself. Was I as relaxed as I'd hoped? No. I guess I was looking for the spa experience but on a teacher's budget. I'll know for next time. 

Now, the eye doctor, that's a whole different story.  I absolutely LOVE going to that doctor. It is seriously the most relaxing thing in the universe outside of actual sleep. You can't even count on sleep being peaceful, but the eye doctor? Oh yeah. It's quiet, dark, you only need to answer with a number or letter...I may have even fallen asleep for a sec. Luckily I stayed awake and my eyes are healthy and the left eye has even improved some. 

The fun part is picking out the new glasses.  My current frames broke irreparably so I needed new ones. I choose red:

Speaking of decisions, I need any and all good juju you have laying around. I'm processing the upcoming school year. Like the Clash, should I stay or should I go? I know what I think, but is it the right choice?  Can I do another year like this one? Am I too old to begin anew? You'd think the panic attack at work two weeks ago and the chest pains that followed until Spring Break would be a clue. 

Honestly, I have applied to a few jobs outside of my current one. I'm not looking to leave my school necessarily, so if I don't get something else, I'm sure I'll be fine staying where I am. The group of educators I work with is fierce. 

There is one position, in particular, I am quite interested in getting. It would allow me to stay in education, coach current teachers, work at the university level, and pay for future degrees. It would allow me to become that liaison between current educators and policymakers.  That is a dream job, for me. Education policy is what I've become very interested in, lately. I can't passively sit aside anymore and continue to let things happen to us. There are changes to be made, and making them from inside the classroom is not possible.  

Anywho...let me just push that soapbox back under the couch. 

Being on Spring Break this week has been great.  I could easily slide into retirement. I even took a week off from my therapist. Funny that I didn't need to see her when I'm not at work. Have you found a counselor yet? I highly suggest it. Even if it's for a short time. You may think it to be nonsense and balderdash, but it's good for you. 

See you next month for another riveting account of my life. 

The Nether Yay-ya and a Possible Change

Welcome back to "Things I didn't really want to know about this girl."  This month's health update is brought to you by the letters G Y N. 

It's been so long since I've been to that doctor that the first thing she said upon walking into the room was, "So why haven't you been to the doctor in 20 years?"  Um.  'Cause I don't use it often and I've never rented the womb out to anyone?  'Cause I'm very very lucky to be so healthy?  'Cause I just kept putting it off?  All unacceptable answers. 

It wasn't as bad as I anticipated, of course.  She's a lovely woman and a former middle school teacher.  Although, she did tell me to get a colonoscopy due to my advanced years.  And not the talking box on television, but a real colonoscopy.  Everything looked good and she thanked me for staying in the profession.  That made me feel nice.  Like I was appreciated.  

Yeah.  About that. 

This is my classroom by the numbers:

9 students, 3 grade levels, 7 push-in rooms, 2 languages, 4 disability classifications, 6 curriculums, 5 behavior charts, 28 IEP goals.  (Edited to add: 11 students, 33 IEP goals)

This isn't to brag or toot any horns.  This is to show you what goes on in classrooms across the country.  This is only part of the reason why teachers are burnt out and leaving.  Throw in challenging behaviors, minimal support from home, district admin/DOE not having an idea what actually goes on in classrooms...I could go on.  It's a recipe for therapy.  

I have much to think about.  Do I want to keep doing this to myself?  Do I want to put up with all the negative for very little positive?  I thought I was doing this for the rest of my working days.  Now I'm not sure.  The catalyst for this change of heart, the straw that broke this camel's back, was a meeting on Friday that I still can't let go of.  I'm still irritated.  I still get upset when I think about it or talk about it. 

That Student, for those who follow along on the Facebook, is quite a struggling learner.  I am supplementing his fourth-grade math with 1st-grade math. He is unable to do this work independently. I asked him last week to solve 0-0.  He told me it's 5.  In an effort to make his life easier, I requested we apply for modified curriculum and alternative assessments during this year's IEP meeting.

In order for this to happen, you have to meet certain criteria.  He meets the criteria of a cognitive struggle, but because he's socially competent and can take care of his basic needs, he does not qualify. 

The child who asked me if we were playing bingo, WHILE WE WERE PLAYING BINGO, the child who asked how to hold up 14 fingers, the child who can not solve 1st grade math problems as a 4th grader, does not qualify for modified curriculum, because a piece of paper said so.  A checklist, a piece of paper, knows more about what my kid needs than I do. Some random person, who probably hasn't been in the classroom in years (if ever) created a checklist that knows more about my kid than I do.  

To add insult to injury, That Student's mom, who was at home Zooming in to this meeting, was watching TV throughout the meeting.  We were discussing the possibility of her child not pursuing the diploma track and she was watching TV.  

Why am I even here?  Why am I even doing this?  Clearly they should be paying the checklist my salary, and if I have no concern/interest from the parent, what's the point...............I want to scream.

I'm tired. I don't want to struggle for other people's kids anymore.  I'm tired of doing all the work.  I'm tired of the parent apathy.  I'm sick of the higher-ups being more concerned about math posters and pacing than the well-being of the students. I'm tired of being selfless and "doing it for the kids."  I'm tired of advocating for my kids and getting no results.  I'm sick to death of challenging behaviors occurring daily and no real consequences being leveled.  We are setting some of these kids up for failure and nobody seems to see it.  

I did some exploring on Indeed last night and there are several options in the areas I'm interested.  Of course I need to finish out the school year so that gives me time to weigh things out and decide what I truly want to do.  I did briefly consider Starbucks barista and Wawa employee, but I'd eventually weigh 400 lbs. and spend my salary on product.

So much to think about. Any and all opinions are welcome. This is not a decision I will take lightly.

Anyway...my gynecological tests came back negative for all things icky. Shout out to my parents for giving me such healthy DNA.  

A Week of Firsts

Last week was a week of firsts for me as far as my health goes.  

On Monday I went to the dermatologist for the first time.  There were a few spots I wanted to get looked at, and since I'm approaching mid-life I wanted to add it to my list of health stuff for the year.  

I didn't know what to expect, except that I might need to get nekkid and that I had to shave.  I did the requisite shaving and steeled myself for the unknown.  

All of my areas were normal wear and tear, according to the doctor.  Actually, he said something quite hurtful.......he told me that I have Middle-Aged Skin.  What the hell, man?!  We just met!  Ugh.  He also said that he could tell I'd been naughty in the sun in my youth.  I had to agree with that one (reference the #s in my previous post).  Otherwise, I'm good to go and don't need to come back for further examination. I passed!

On Wednesday I had my first therapy appointment.  I was so nervous that I almost canceled.  I didn't know what to talk about, or what she'd want to know.  I paced for 30 minutes and logged on 15 minutes early just to make sure I was there.  I'm doing this over Zoom which is not ideal (except I don't have to wear pants).  I'm only in two places most of my time: home and work.  I was hoping to get out of those spaces and into someplace neutral for this, but it is what it is.  

My therapist is very nice and even graciously put up with my rambling.  She already gave me homework and had suggestions as to why I want to kill everyone lately.  She would like to address the issues in a short-term fashion (3-4 months) and set me loose with the tools to maintain for the long term.  

She's still in the assessing part of the sessions. I kept interrupting, I think, with my verbal diarrhea.  We discussed a host of different things.  I gave brief-ish summaries to her questions and was doing well, until any time we talked about work.  Any time that came up, I started to get teary and shut down because I didn't want to cry.  

Incredibly, with just one session, I immediately felt better.  Just that one 55 minutes had a positive impact on me, and we haven't even gotten to the heart of things.  It's almost as if Mental Health is Health.  😏