The Waiting is the Hardest Part

A few years ago while watching TV, an episode of Mike and Molly came on that spoke to me. It said what I'd been feeling for a bit.  However, I was too...responsible (that's not the word I want, but I can't find it right now) to do anything about it.  Pragmatic!!  THAT'S the word I mean-Thanks NanoLand FB group. Anyway, here's the scene from that episode that I understood in the depths of my soul:



Do you know how many teachers feel like this?  No, me either, but I'm confident it's a high number.  Higher every year.  So, if I, among many others, feel this way, why am I looking for a teaching position after I've resigned from a teaching job? Security. It's all I know how to do.  I have a mortgage and bills. We need health insurance.  We can't afford for me not to have a job.  

Would I like to be like Molly and start a writing career?  Oh yeah.  But, it doesn't pay at first (maybe not at all), nor does it have a benefits package.  And, that was a TV show.  This is real life.  Real life doesn't play out this this and for that, I'm so disappointed. 

Every year I consider participating in NaNoWriMo, and some years I actually do, and twice I've won.  I have a few stories started, one finished and unedited, and many ideas scattered about.  I love doing it, and now that I seem to have more time on my hands, I may do it again this year. I keep saying I have all this time and that I'm unemployed because I want to get myself used to that.

I have all these applications out there and it seems no one wants to hire me.  The interview with the charter school went well, but I had convinced myself they were going to hire me on the spot, based on prior conversations.  They haven't. I'm now second-guessing everything that happened at the interview.  Was that one thing that she noted in my sample lesson the one thing she'll use to disqualify me?  Will she understand that it was nerves?  How many more are also interviewing?  How will they do?   I hate waiting.  It's torture. 

There are jobs I could apply to that are in a geographic location that I find desirable, but that would mean moving.  Packing and selling the house, finding new housing, and convincing the spouse this is a good idea-those are all difficult things.  Especially the spouse thing. It's not in an area where he wants to go. On the other hand, the places that he would like to move to are not locales I'm interested in at all.  😶

So it's back at it.  More job hunting.  More let-downs.  More self-deprecation. More doubt.